well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
