he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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