hell yes lets make some ravioli
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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