I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
