i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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