they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
