I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
