oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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