She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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