Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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