How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
