She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
