i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
