Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
