I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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