Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
