ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
