sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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