She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
