come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
