Sry I called you an 8
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
