i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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