forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
