What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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