I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
