Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
