it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
