just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
