A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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