I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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