you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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