Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
