Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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