wanna go halves on a baby?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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