I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
