It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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