i would punch a child for taco bell
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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