STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
