I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
