Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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