The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
