My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need to stop coming to work sober
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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