Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Man, jail baloney is awful.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
