I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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