Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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