You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
