Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
