from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
