i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
