Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
