Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hippo gnu deer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
