I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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