he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
