I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That reminds me...we need to get swords
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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