My sheets look like a crime scene.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize