dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
