How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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