Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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