OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
