would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
