Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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