After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
